A Breakdown is just ahead!

Fuck it. Really. Fuck it.

I really try hard to make a difference. I try to change, I try to prove my worth to my family.

Does everyone feel completely worthless in their family or is it just me?

The past year or so, I have been living alone with my dad. On weekdays, at home, I don't say more than a hundred words to my dad.

That means I spend 16 hours of the day silent.

Do the math, and you'll find that 2,880 hours of my last year has been spent being silent.

Is it any wonder why I don't feel like talking to my family?

My dreams lately are horrible. I don't understand why I can't get past certain things. One of my ex's appears in my dreams, in usually the most obscene and harmful ways. I should stop talking about it.

My dad tells me everyone ten minutes how disappointed he is in me, and my sister laughs quietly to herself knowing that I have to deal with even more shit.

I told my sister basically everything in my life, and I don't get a moment's sympathy.

Is it natural to want to harm your sibling?

The first house I lived in she wrote "I hate David" in chalk on the fence. Every time the grass was watered, I would see "I hate David" at the end of the year. That's the most distinct memory of growing up.

She always finds ways to prod and pick at everything I do. Any time she is present, I face extreme criticism.

Every single time I tell her my ideas, it takes a week for her to make fun of me for it. Any time I have a serious issue, she laughs it off.

I was bitten by a dog and bled profusely, and she couldn't stop making jokes out of that experience. She thinks I don't care about anything, and that I'm a failure.

Her and my dad constantly refer me to situations and scenarios where I won't graduate high school. My dad and sister openly insult me and pretend they understand what I enjoy.

FUCK

I honestly despise my family. You know why? Because they fucking patronize me. They treat me like a drug addict, a devil worshiping, violent individual. I am constantly berated for having ideas that they disagree with. I am approached with arguments that don't make linear sense.

If I could go one day without having to be associated with failure with my family, I would stop complaining and writing this post.

I can't believe I liked my sister.

I don't have much of a motivation to finish this post. I'll be fine soon, don't worry.


Why are there so many songs about rainbows?
And who gives a fuck anyway?
Rainbows are stupid, they only remind me
That my life is sick with decay

And so you are stupid, you choose to believe it
I know we're all gonna die
We'll never find it, the rainbow Connection
The sickly, the worthless, and I

Who said that "every wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star"
Some asshole thought of it, some sucker believed it
And look what it's done so far

And it's so pathetic, that you are pathetic
And it's all you aspire to be
You'll never find it, the rainbow connection
The homeless, the wealthy, and me

All of us are gonna die
You could say nature's a facist

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices
Swimming around in your head?
Some say "I'm lucky!" and some say "I'm Happy!"
But most say "I'd rather be dead"

And I know I'm lazy and apathetic
Sometimes that is all that know