Valentine was no Saint

I wrote this with the help of my friend Winona, in twenty minutes of mentally apprehended hatred, this was the original draft. Complete with grammatical errors. I do believe this is going into the school newspaper tomorrow.

Valentine's Day is considered by some the most romantic and thoughtful day of the year. To seasoned cynics like myself, it is just another conglomerate holiday brought to you by the people of Hallmark.

Love is an emotion that cannot be purchased. The tradition if bullshit. I swear to fucking God if you people don't knock that shit off, I will flip a bitch. This holiday was created by major corporations to make more money off the ignorant masses who look for one day of the year to atone for their carelessness through out.

Every year, people decide to buy red roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolate to deliver to that 'special someone.' Bull-fucking-shit, this is outrageous. How the FUCK do you think people will think of you as a 'loving' and 'caring' individual who spends $15 on cheap, cliched, and mass-produced SHIT?! Affection cannot be bought, it can only be expressed or displayed through the passion a person feels. Letting companies ass-fuck your wallet to come up with some cheap excuse is NOT how you show affection.

Hallmark* took the lore of 'St. Valentine,' an obscured religious figure that no one had heard of prior to the creation of the holiday. His story tells a vague tale of what is considered as love.

Ironically, history proves to us that February 14th is not immune to random acts of violence. The infamous 'St. Valentine's Day Massacre' of 1929 had left seven people dead.

In 2005, a group of individuals made a pact to commit a mass suicide on Valentine's Day. The people consisted of 32 women, 5 children, and the leader, Gerald Krien (who had to quit his job at blockbuster to make time for this event). Even though the pact ultimately failed, the man was sentenced to 20 years in prison.

St. Valentine's Day is only worth while to the masses of fuckheads who believe that love is universally necessary to our human nature. There is no biological or cosmic force that dictates the importance of such a holiday. There are more meaningful ways to express your sentiments and good tidings.

Instead of reserving only one day of the year for love and affection, why not try to express it every day? Elaborate gestures of costly proportions only service major greeting card companies. Perhaps the American public might one day be lucky enough to render the preposterous holiday of Valentine's day obsolete if they try and spread it out throughout the year instead of condensing it all into one day.

Flowers will wilt and die, chocolates melt, and Hallmark cards gather dust on a shelf (if not shredded by me personally). Perhaps more symbolic representations of affection (like kind words or actually listening to your significant other) will mean more in the long run.

Valentine's Day is a holiday similar to Arbor Day and Earth Day, it celebrates something that should be appreciated and practiced everyday, but is only recognized once a year. Hail Satan.

(I'm currently selling myself at $25 an hour, animal threesomes are included.)

*This is untrue, it was celebrated throughout the Victorian Era, but for the sake of accuracy, let's burn the entire history of the Victorian Era for my benefit.

If you are clever enough, you may be able to differentiate between what I wrote and what Winona wrote.